Things that kills a relationship
Things that kills a relationship
Relationships don't end abruptly. The link between spouses or partners might weaken due to subtle and damaging behavioral patterns. These negative attitudes have the power to transform a storybook romance into an MMA Super Fight.
However, not all is lost. A relationship on life support can recover its health when specific damaging patterns of conduct are recognized and addressed.
Learn to recognize these 7 relationship-killing factors so you can head off problems in their tracks.
- Mind Reading
Playing the armchair psychic is the quickest way to end a relationship. Reading minds adopts an attitude of presumption rather than attentiveness and judgment rather than compassion.
We take away another person's voice when we attempt to understand their ideas, motivations, and intentions. The partner is rendered less human and is not given the opportunity to explain. This one is difficult for everyone because playing "mind reader" is simpler than paying attention to your spouse.
You may tell if mind reading has entered a relationship if you say, "I know why you did this."
John Gottman, a relationship specialist and author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, is renowned for predicting a marriage's success within the first five minutes of meeting the couple. Evidence of disapproval is one of the deciding elements.
Gottman is aware that arguments will arise between partners. But he distinguishes between criticism and whining. Criticism is more "global" because it targets the individual rather than their actions.
Therefore, how can we tell if criticism has slipped in? Recognize criticism when you see it since it can ruin your relationship.
- Unrealistic Expectations
There are some underlying expectations when a relationship starts. These restrictions are complicated by conduct and action. This could include specific household duties, financial decisions, or child-rearing practices.
When these demands become unreasonable and the spouse feels pressured by their failing conduct, issues arise. This will probably result in a toxic relationship.
Setting unreasonable expectations for a spouse or partner will inevitably lead to mistrust in the partnership. Healthy boundaries and regulations should liberate the other person rather than enslave them. They ought to let their partner succeed rather than fail.
You are not loving someone when you constantly criticize them and remind them of the "rules." This relationship killer may surface when you attack their actions without ever allowing for grace or correction.
Controlling your partner stems from feelings of insecurity and fear. A controlling mindset is more about us than it is about the relationship.
When control is introduced into a relationship, hidden anxiety emerges. It can be a fear of the future. Fear of being abandoned. Fear of having a bad reputation as a spouse.
The spouse will endure the consequences until we conquer our own insecurities.
We may be considered control freaks if we are always telling people "Don't do that" or "Stop doing that."
The temptation of comparison is strong given how simple it is to stay in touch with ex-partners via text messaging, Instagram, and other social media.
It will never work to compare your current partner to a past one. The analogy is inaccurate. There is no one person that represents all connections. Why did the relationship fail if they were so great?
An excellent method to end a relationship before it even starts is to test your current one based on a previous one. The timing, partner maturity, and emotional stability of relationships all contribute to their complexity. These elements evolve over time.
You may need to address this relationship killer if you check Instagram or think about ex-partners.
All bonds eventually get stale. When a couple feels secure in their relationship, they cease doing the simple things.
Yet, this is typical. It simply means that we must change it up. We might require a new routine. Every Friday night, a dating night. A trip to a far-off place. Pursuing a hobby jointly. Or figuring out various methods of communication.
In a partnership, routinely doesn't have to have the final say. Determine it. Shake things up. Watch as your relationship starts to flourish.
According to Gottman, stonewalling involves "emotionally disengaging" from the connection and erecting defenses. Conflict and turmoil will exist in every relationship on several levels. However, if we refuse to talk, we are emotionally cutting off the other person.
Do we leave the situation, try to shift the issue, or go to the bar when there is a disagreement in the relationship? Or do we allow ourselves to be in the conflict right now?
Being emotionally present in our relationship is the best gift we can give them.
If you or your partner are facing issues because of the presence of any of these aspects mentioned in this article, do consider consulting a Marriage Counsellor online or a Counsellor for Marriage near you.
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